Ramblings of a Diminutive Height
Monday, May 21, 2007
11:00AM - Hello, journal thingy
Wow, it's really been awhile, hasn't it?
Thursday, April 6, 2006
"You really need to make sure that your making your education a priority."
FUCK YOU, lady.
I have been working my ass off to get through this fucking college and get the stupid little piece of paper that says, yes, indeed, I do in fact have the capacity to think and work. I've been working 35-40 hour weeks just to make sure I can still pay the rent, buy food, pay mom back for the bills, buy gas/bus fares to get to school, and do the few recreational things that maintain my sanity. And you're fucking telling me that I should go quit one of my jobs so that I can take that last stupid little credit at your college, because "god forbid I should accumulate units at a lesser college such as De Anza."
I DON"T WANT TO DRIVE TO SANTA CRUZ MORE OFTEN THAN I HAVE TO. WHAT IS DIFFICULT TO UNDERSTAND ABOUT THAT.
I just need ONE CREDIT. Just one! I'll take my senior projects class---I'm having fun with that, and it's an extremely worthwhile endeavor. But FUCK if I'm going to waste my time doing stupid little shit just so you can feel I'm "making an effort" at my education. I HAVE MADE AN EFFORT. I just want to work on my senior project--REALLY WORK ON IT--and get it done. That's what's important to me. And technically speaking, that's the thing that will finish off my education, so in reality, isn't it the most worthwhile thing for me to be doing, using your very own argument?
GAH! It just GALLS me so much that she would even SAY that to me. WTF. Look at my GPA lady--yes, I do, in fact, make an effort in my education. Don't let the shock kill you too fast.
I just want to be done. I'm tired of the bullshit and bureaucracy of the administration here, and the fact that none of the departments communicate with each other. It's just so frustrating! I got the part time registration, no problem there... but instead of matching the $900 aide reduction, my grant only got reduced by $10. "Hey, great!" you say, because now I've got two rather large checks sitting on my desk, ready to be deposited. No, not so great, because I'm supposed to use that money for "educational purposes only"... and they've just paid pretty much all my education fees, minus transportation and books. Also, if I use the money on something non-educational and they find out, they can retract all aid and ask for the initial total back, due in full immediately. Same thing happens if I don't have that one extra unit to make sure I'm enrolled in the six credits all financial aide recipients are required to maintain.
So, in short: goddamn.
Sunday, March 26, 2006
I'm drunk. again. for the second night in a row. and it's the night before i have to work a morning shift, for a second time in a row.
at least this time i'm home already.
but i guess it's nice to know i'm ok with getting shitfaced around my future parents in law.
Saturday, March 25, 2006
1:08AM - drum roll, please...
I am OFFICIALLY done with winter quarter.
(and I'm at 40 pages in my manuscript!)
Thursday, March 16, 2006
11:15AM - aw, not so good...
wow... okay, turns out that powerpoint really SUCKS if you view it using an older version of the program. all the animation gets screwed up, the timing is all off, and things that are supposed to appear and then disappear DON'T. goddamn.
It WAS really cool though. i swear!
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
6:43PM - powerpoint shinanigans
last computer project for the quarter. kinda explains the concepts behind the manuscript i'm working on for graduation. you might need to have powerpoint to view it...
Sunday, March 12, 2006
Wednesday, March 8, 2006
oh, i forgot to mention--
this is probably one of the most annoying websites i've ever seen. whaddaya think??
8:54AM - So...
last week, I show up to section 5 minutes early.... and find out section has been cancelled.
this week, I show up to section 45 minutes late.... and the supposed "hour and 10 minute long session" ends 2 minutes after I get there.
Wednesday, March 1, 2006
This is what I hate about commuting. I get up not-quite-at the buttcrack of dawn, feed the animals at mom's, and drive off to santa cruz, for once ON TIME to my 8am section... only to reach the classroom and see a nice little note saying "oh, by the way, section is cancelled today."
Sunday, February 19, 2006
11:41PM - hobbit in a web
The website is up, folks!
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
11:38PM - and now it's time for...
a non-negative post!!
(I wrote 13 pages today. WOOT! I SO rock.)
Thursday, February 9, 2006
6:28PM - No need to worry folks...
i'm just feeling an overpowering need to say UGH.
Saturday, February 4, 2006
6:12PM - my own personal hell
I think my hell would be to be stuck by myself.
I've been getting more and more afraid of being alone. It doesn't even matter whether I'm interacting with the people around me or not--just as long as they're THERE. And as much as I hate to say it, sitting at home with my cat doesn't count. I love Bean, but when it's just the two of us, it's too quiet. That's why I like being with the dogs at work--they all interact with each other, and they keep the atmosphere ALIVE. This is probably why I'm so clingy, both with them, with my cats, with other people.... I hate taking showers these days, because it's just me standing in a kind of vacuum and the world outside doesn't even seem to exist. And then my brain starts going, delving into every crevice to drag out all the thoughts that scare me the most. (Of course, this particular problem provides me with an exellent excuse to "conserve water" by taking them with steffen. =P)
...but yeah. Music doesn't work to break the silence, because my mind always wanders, and when I DO pay attention to the lyrics, it tends to be at rather inopportune moments (i.e, during "Time" by Pink Floyd, which is enough to make any existentialist depressed). The only thing that works if I'm stuck by myself is audio books. (Fiction has always commanded my attention better than music anyway.) My mind shuts off, and I'm shunted into the world of the story where everything is fresh, alive, vivid! ...but when I finish the story, and if I'm still stuck by myself, I'm almost worse off than I was before. All I want to do is re-live the story, or lose myself in whatever clear memories I have of the past week, or pop in the next book, or the same book again, over and over, just to keep the silence at bay. Anything to escape the dull emptiness of the isolated present.
*breathes* well, there you have it. My ultimate weakness. May the exploitation begin.
***btw, I'm doing better than when I started this entry. The rest of the household just got home. (I still have to take a shower though. And steffen's going to be out til late. damn.)
Wednesday, February 1, 2006
f**king f**k!! god f**king damnit!
dah! fra! grrrrrff!
bad-day-bad-day-bad-- stupid.. frigga fraggin... rassi frassin... can't write a map to save their...
Friday, January 13, 2006
Sunday, January 8, 2006
back at school/work again. My sinuses have chosen this weekend to go haywire, along with my back and neck. I keep having extremely vivid, somewhat disturbing dreams, waking up every half hour or hour with my head throbbing and my shoulders/neck aching. I finally got fed up last night after waking up for the fourth time in two hours and just got up. I slept a bit on the couch, but not much. Maybe if I get myself into a zombie-level state of tiredness I'll be able to get some actual rem. I think it's the bed though. The bed, and possibly anticipatory stress about school. whatever it is, i need to fix it.
BUT that's really the only thing not going so well. I had a fantastic time with Steffen in disneyland! It was really great to be able to spend so much time with him without the stress of school or work or family. We went on all kinds of rides, had a really good fancyshmancy dinner, and all kinds of fun. Those four days were the best I've ever had.
I really like that boy. =)
Monday, December 26, 2005
I watched Constantine and now I can't sleep cuz it's dark and there's noises and I'm lame like that.
Friday, December 16, 2005
11:09PM - disappointing finances
feeling a little f^cked.
and not in the good way.
Tuesday, December 6, 2005
10:29PM - Year in Brief
(Stolen from meine Schwest)
Road kill sighting:
decapitated teddy bear.
Funny how all the anger and frustration dissolves when i START seeing red...
Haven't posted in a long time. All kinds of craziness. But now I'm in writing mode, and I find myself drifting back here again.
the end is in sight!
(and to those that have put up with my bitchiness, i send thanks and apologies...)
broke the hose today. left it in the pool. coworker matt comes out, says, "are they destroying the hose?!" "No, they're just playing with it" I assure him, as I walk over and pick up the ... rather ..... fountainous-spewing-water-from-about-12-d
ok, so apparantly i've been "tagged" twice now... so i'm going to give this a try. 10 things I like...
if i'm already this drained and grumpy by the end of the day... and school hasn't started yet... and even Faire won't begin til next weekend..... ... I hate to think what the next six weeks will bring.
it's back! kinda. sorta. not much time, much writing to be done. might post some stories or some such.
You scored 86% knowledge and 73% obsession!
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